To clean, or not to clean: that is the question

Today started off extremely well, which is great because I didn’t feel brilliant yesterday. Last night, I went to bed a little earlier than usual as I thought I would be more comfortable. Also I’d had a bad night’s sleep the night before and hadn’t managed to snooze during the day, so I took half a sleeping tablet because I didn’t want two sleepless nights in a row. I should add that I don’t like taking sleeping tablets because I’m afraid of them becoming habitual, but I have put this particular fear to one side at the moment: it’s more important that I get a decent night’s sleep.

I cleaned the oven this morning!  This is a job that is supposed to be done automatically by our ‘self-cleaning oven’ which, of course, it isn’t. The same can be said about ‘self-basting’ chickens. These throw-away phrases were clearly invented by men in advertising agencies as a mendacious marketing ploy.

Actually, nowadays I don’t clean the oven as meticulously as I used to before cancer when I had a ‘I’ve-got-to-make-sure-this-lasts-for-ever’ mentality. It’s the same with most things in the house. So, there’s a bit more dust about and the floors don’t get mopped as often and nothing gets ironed now, etc., etc….That said, we maintain the daily upkeep of the apartment together, but only do the minimum housework and not to the same level as I used to do when I was a scrupulous, manic, slavish, cleaning machine. That said, I try to do something every day, but I’m not pushing myself. I can’t and, to be honest, it’s not so important anymore. Anyway, no one I know ever had ‘I wish I’d spent more time cleaning the house’ written on their headstone!

By the way, I haven’t wanted alcohol since starting chemotherapy, and this is certainly true during the first seven days after infusion. Occasionally, I have a little spritzer, or a spot of whiskey, but I’m not really bothered nowadays, which is a shame since I used to enjoy sharing a bottle of wine with friends – or with my gin-loving mother-in-law, as you can see from the photo! Sometimes I think that a double tot would probably give me a good night’s sleep, except that it could also cause me to have even more dark thoughts…