Domestic Bliss

I feel human again today; well, as much as I can feel well, knowing I have cancer and that the future is uncertain.

I managed to do some chores, including cleaning the bathrooms, and the work surfaces in the kitchen. Rob vacuumed the front of the house and I was able to follow behind mopping the tiles. I then roasted a chicken for lunch, which Rob loves. Ah, dusting and polishing: better to go swimming. Domestic bliss!

Since my diagnosis I’ve been intrigued by Rob. Initially, he was extremely upset and I wondered how he would cope. I remember telling him that I didn’t have strength enough for the two of us. He told me that he would have strength enough for both of us, but to be honest, I wasn’t convinced. I know he didn’t think I was going to pop off in the next few months, but surely, he knew that I can’t be cured? I mean, he was there when the doctor told me.

Since an initial breakdown, he’s been OK – at least on the surface. Oh, I know in his quiet moments at night he must be having his own dark thoughts, which he deals with quietly and without fuss. When I’m weak and shed a tear, he puts his arms around me and tells me that what I’m feeling is normal. He appears to be so very strong. Yes, I’m using the word I dislike that others urge me to be . . . but he seems…strong.

But what is Rob’s plan? In his head, I mean. I’ve already been clearing out cupboards and boxes of stuff that everyone keeps - ‘just in case’. I keep looking at the wardrobe and deciding what I can get rid of and, more importantly, how to do it without attracting too much attention! For example, I came across some table mats that I use when we have guests. Shall I get rid of them? Give them away?  I can’t imagine ever cooking or entertaining guests again.  Entertaining guests involves a huge amount of work when you don’t have cancer so is a big no-no when you do.

(Rob writes: “Janette says she doesn’t know what my plan is. Actually, I don’t have one except to love and support her as best I can. At the moment, the future is uncertain so I’m not going to cross any bridges until I get to them. This is not the same as a head-in-the-sand mentality. And if she wants to get rid of things, that’s OK, but it must be because she wants to get rid of them and not because she thinks she’s going to die!”)